Civilization began in Newark, New Jersey in approximately
6000 B. C. with the invention of the one-finger wave, the "F"
word and the lip-smacking "raspberry." The fabled Cradles
Of Civilization with their modern stone age families from the town
of Bedrock could not hold a candle to the forms of non-verbal communication
perpetrated by the native Newarkians.
Sure, the fortress of Machu Pikachu was impressive
for its day. So were the pyramid schemes of Giza. But it was the
attitude of the Newarkian that defined the culture and said to the
rest of the uncivilized world, "You ain't nothing. I'm better
A civilization is defined as complex, highly organized social order
and includes a well-organized government, social classes, job specialization,
public works, art and architecture and writing. Well, Newark had
none of this, but they did know how to "flip the bird,"
"read between the lines," "do the groin tug,"
"do the moon," "thumb the nose" and the "forearm
jerk" which makes up for the other signs of civilization.
It has been said many times that the clearest sign of social order
is anti-social behavior. Newark has been the premier example of
this kind of behavior.